image Frustrated Creativity

So now I have my journals, notebooks and art pads organised. My pens, pencils and brushes too. But my paints? Grrr not yet. They’re in plastic bags in a box under stuff. I don’t like that idea. I prefer to have my stuff visible. The old adage, ‘out of sight out of mind’ applies very much to me. I forget I have things. When I do remember I have to rummage everywhere. I opened a box and found my papers and card making things. Oh wow my mind went flying how I can use these in art journalling. But where to keep them?

I have stuff. Too much stuff. From years of doing a wide variety of crafts and hobbies. My latest interest is art journalling. When I first started browsing and reading I kept coming across mixed media work. This wasn’t what I originally was looking for. More along the lines of keeping a visual journal using pen and colour. But this has gradually changed. As much as I feel I still have not found what it is I was looking to do, I have started playing with collage and colour. It’s incredibly freeing and in some ways hard to go wrong. And if I do, or don’t like what I’ve done, I have followed advice and used the lovely gesso and paints on top of a work to turn it around.

Of course my biggest frustration always is my impatience. Like a fire is lit inside me I become frenetic and edgy. Wanting to do everything at once. I read, google, gather ideas then find the day has gone and I haven’t done what I planned. But then I stop and ask myself, what was it I was planning to do? The lesson here for me is about just enjoying my time and space. Doing whatever I enjoy in that particular moment. Whether it be reading and googling, sorting out my stash of stuff, painting, doodling or preparing pages.

As always my mind is so very active. It’s hard to keep up at times. I remind myself to stop, breathe and just be. Tell myself that all is OK. There is no great master plan or anything I MUST achieve. I tell myself that it is about exploration, letting go, freedom, enjoyment and seeing what it is I can do. In a sense this has always been an underlying bug-bear of mine. The realisation that I am a jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none. Or perhaps I am a master of doing many things. Now thats an interesting thought.

For me, this time in life is about exploring, again, my creative side. Of coming to realise that creativity is what I love the most. Images, colours, words and expressions. I love the saturation of my mind with this. I want to try my hand at it all. It’s not just enough to look and enjoy. I have this need to DO as well. At times I feel very much like a copyist. Trying to find my own unique style. Wondering if in fact I do have one style. Wondering if that is really important that I do? After all, I have no intentions of mass production or selling. I create and play purely for the fun of it. Now if only I can get that through every layer of my being to realise this. To accept this. And to just go with the flow.

Speaking of Flow, I came across the wonderful magazine Flow… What a visual delight.

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This morning I decided to try a technique I’d read. Writing freehand and painting over the top. I can still read below, which is OK but not important. But what was great was that I had fun just doing it. And I guess, that is what is the most important thing.

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3 comments

  1. I just wrote a long comment and for one reason or another it could not be posted, so I’ll try a shorter one this time. I am fairly new to you blog but I enjoy it immensely. I enjoyed this post in particular because of a recent experience where gesso saved the day. Your blog is truly the serenity space and I look forward to reading more, and more recent, stuff. Blessings, Lydia

  2. I could have written this. All of it! Thanks for letting me know I’m not as disturbed as I thought, or well, not alone in it anyway. πŸ˜‰

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