An interesting week, or three, or is it a few months? How synchronicity occurs to lead me down the path to further exploration until I ‘get it’. Well sort of. I have that tendency that people joke about blondes with. Except that I am a bottle blonde. I laugh when told the joke, laugh again when it is explained and a third time when I ‘get it’. My good friend B told me something the other day. I sent her a text this morning to tell her I ‘got it’. I feel like the Homer ‘Doh’.
What did she say? Not all the people we know are friends. Why open up to them about ‘who you are’? I pondered this. Read the last few days – about emotions, empaths, highly sensitive people, and creativity. I journalled by hand in a couple of my books. I always have more than one on the go at a time. What I realised is that I do not need to explain myself. I do not need to worry what others think. I do not need to have them understand who I am. Yet for so long I have had this need for others to understand me. Perhaps because I feel that most don’t ‘get me’. That I am different from most. I realised that what others think of me is irrelevant. Therefore I do not need to explain myself. I know who I am. I like who I am. And that is what IS important.
And this past week, well, I am more than happy to be that way. To be my own very unique self. Because the reality is that there are not a lot like me. We are in most ways a minority. But it is who we are. Who I am. What I realised is that unless someone has meaning for me, then whether they understand me or not is irrelevant. Like the saying goes …
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”
– Bernard M Baruch
How did this start? A conversation. I stopped afterwards to look again. I observed those around me. I found myself at odds with what was said. But I did find that there are aspects that I am seeking to change about myself that do correlate. On the flip side was the awareness of others. Of watching and observing. Of realising that what I was sensing was perhaps their feelings. Hence the issue may belong to them. What I can do however is just be my own self. By reclaiming those specific good aspects and ditching what no longer serves me. What I will do is choose what is best for myself.
Perhaps I am a mirror. Well I know I am. I reflect back others. And often they do not realise this. I am always conscious of that. Hence my need to analyse and turn conversations on their head to see what it is I need to learn, change or take on board about myself. Within reason and only if it enhances my being.
I had a conversation with a beautiful lady. Like my beautiful friend B, C is to me like an older sister-friend. I respect her immensely. Another wise woman. She made an interesting comment. Ok my ego swelled, I am after all human. She said that it was like when I’m in a room amongst others my light shines too bright. And perhaps its hard for some to take. Well that’s interesting. And certainly makes sense of some things in my life.
So no I won’t turn down my light. I will sit back, listen more, observe more. This is a task I need to undertake. For various reasons. To learn to breathe more, sit in silence, listen and observe. To learn to switch off, relax, let go and go with the flow. To remember that this new city moves at a much slower pace than my old one. After all, isn’t that why my soul led me here?
This weekend saw me returning to books and googling. Empath. Highly sensitive people (HSP). Creative. Artistic. I am all of these things. As I began to delve in again I am reminded that this is where I am different and unique. One of the minority. Apparently 15-20% of the population are HSP. (My beautiful mother said I was a highly strung child). Read highly sensitive. True empaths are about 2-3% of the population. (As are Aboriginal people here in Australia). Empath abilities are varied, and not every empath is across every spectrum.
So how many empaths are physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually empathic? Add in animal, plant, mineral and mechanical. And Sensitive? Well I don’t always see ghosts thank goodness. I’ve seen one or two. Yes I’ve taken all the tests and yes I KNOW I am all of these. Ah but then I went and took the psychic intelligence tests. Well damn if I don’t rate high on Telepathy/Empathy, Clairvoyance/Remote Viewing, Psychokinesis, Precognition, Mediumship as well. But then I always knew that verbal language is not my first language. OK this may sound like I’m delving into the realms of woo-woo land and the wonderful ego. Yet the reality? My reality? This makes so much sense of my uniquely, chameleon, weird and wonderful self.
So I guess, intellectually and analytically thinking, and yes I excel in these realms, dammit all, this explains why I am like I am. But then the flip side is these latter hold me well in my current role. After all, architecture and engineering were my first career choices, although I moved into nursing and then alternative health.
I guess the universe has well and truly had me on a path of letting go of what no longer is required, or needed, to becoming more of my authentic self. And to do that I must acknowledge who I am. I must accept and appreciate my gifts and talents. And I must like and love myself. And let go of the self critical voice that has always held me down. And learn to speak to my inner child in gentle, lovingly supporting and encouraging words. If I can not do that, how can I expect another to do so? So now, it’s time to put this all into practice. To take the next step on my life’s journey. As much as I may wonder where it will take me, that is now irrelevant. What is relevant for me is to enjoy my magickal life.