Seriously, is it June already? What on earth happened to the last month or two? Hmmm well I guess I do know. Stuff. Stuff happened. Stuff I needed to work through. Sometimes we travel along our path taking one day at a time, then whammo, something happens. Only for me it kinda hit 4 things in a row. It’s really irrelevant now to go back and drag up the things that upset me. Suffice to say, it was needed, it was turmoil, and it was a catalyst for further growth. I do know I immensely dislike the time when stuff happens. The in-between stage when you know there is light at the end of the tunnel but you just can’t grab it. But when I emerge, re-freshed, re-newed, re-invigorated and immensely drained on the other side, I give thanks that it happened. Because it means I have learnt more, experienced more, peeled back more layers, confronted things that I needed to deal with, and have become more comfortable in my own skin.
I needed to look closer at me. Why I think, feel and behave certain ways. I know that the child inside saw life a certain way. I learnt to react. Took things on board. It is irrelevant whether they were right or wrong, good or bad (well thats not exactly true) but in many ways it is. What is most important is that I learn to acknowledge stuff. See how it impacted on me. See where and what I want to change in me, and do so. My life’s journey is to grow, to be the best me that only I can be.
What I found interesting was to go back and look at what I wrote a few years ago …
The purpose of my life is to experience wisdom.
My mission to accomplish this is to experience joy, love and equality in every area of my life, to always work with integrity, spontaneity and optimism providing me with complete abundance.
Hmm well I guess I did ask for it. And got it. So I cannot complain. But the recent journey has been wonderful all in all. I have come out stronger, wiser, more at peace and content in myself. I have learnt again to forgive, to let go, and to let be. I have learnt that it is not always my problem. that sometimes it is another. And it is ok. I do not need to take on their stuff. Nor do I have to be responsible for them, nor be concerned about their opinion of me. And though I have done this before, many times, each time is at a newer, deeper and different level. It is never the same. For taking one step, one degree to the right or left, the view changes. Peeling away one layer reveals another layer, often of the same thing, from a different perspective. It’s not till we get through every layer that something completely new appears with which to work. Here I see the visuals of the earth, looking at the side of a hill. Layers of soil, changing in texture and colour and content. That is what I am like. We all are. But what I do know is that I am a deep soul. Perhaps deeper than most. And that is OK. It is part of my reason, my path, my journey, and my gifts.
Along the way magickal things happened. I gained a brother. A big, older brother. A brother from another mother as the younger set say. A brother in spirit. This beautiful 6ft 6in, 65 year old gentleman, a masseuse and healer, has become my brother. And I his sister. I never had an elder brother. Two younger ones on which to pick on yes. And he has never had a sister. But he watches over me, as I do him. My healing and massage sessions continue weekly. And I am changing. Emerging. Learning again to break free and fly. Learning to love and accept myself more each day. The spring is back in my step. The light and laughter stronger and brighter. I feel I have steeped into the next stage of my life. And though I might wonder where it will go, I dare not ask. The universe will show me in good time. For now it is again about laughing in the rain, walking on the bay, and smiling at the wonder of humanity and the world that I call home.