Resolution. An end to (often) conflict. Agreement. Understanding. When conflict arises we seek as soon as possible a resolution between the parties involved. The best result is of course a win-win. Where everyone ‘wins’. Yet the win may not seem like a win to everyone. The win is where the best possible outcome arises.
Often we aim to have a resolution where everyone is happy and can continue to work together. Yet in many cases the resolution is one party agreeing to leave. This leaves a gap in the relationship or work place. Not always what we desire as this means that we need to replace someone. Especially in the work place.
I have been dealing with conflict between two staff since the week they first started together. Selecting both at interview, thinking that both vibrant young women could work together was a decision made by the interviewing panel which included myself. Yet despite working intensely with both, conflict continued. Difficult when both have serious personal life problems that unfortunately impacted on work. And one refused to talk to the other.
What was interesting was seeing personalities emerge over the four months. To realise that one sadly was reflecting her issues onto the other. Blaming her and informing me of her work ethic issues. As time went by it became more evident that what one complained the other of doing was in fact what she herself was doing. A common occurrence of holding up a mirror and reflecting back.
In this incidence, it was sad to see one young woman so definite and ‘black and white’ to the point of being able to see outside the very narrow view of her life and world. Despite numerous mediation sessions she refused to change or to see where she was at fault.
So often in life we see things in black and white. Our view we consider as right, the only right one, meaning that others are always wrong, at fault. How do we try to help others see a different point of view? To raise their awareness of what is happening? In this situation I realised that at times there are those who refuse to change. In fact do not cope with rapid and ongoing change.
Coming to a head, disagreeing with what I requested she do. To the point of ignoring her managers directions, and being politely informed that she needs to follow orders, she handed her resignation in. Interesting to hear comments from the rest of the team. Some who saw clearly, some who saw only one side or the other. Clearly everyone sees things differently. Such is human nature.
Wondering if my negotiation and mediation skills had disappeared I looked more closely at the situation. Finally deciding it was best if she did leave, I am now curious to see how the team works now. Perhaps an easing of stress. Hopefully that will be the case. What I have come to realise over time is that not everyone ‘fits’ into a team. And that at times we have to let go and let be.
As always what comes to mind is by Don Miguel Ruiz from ‘The Four Agreements’. Do not take anything personally. Whatever another says or thinks or believes is purely a reflection of the journey of life they are walking. When we consider and understand this, how we have our own life views, it becomes easier to understand that there is no wrong or right, just a perspective coloured by the life we have led. And sometimes, in order to resolve an issue, we have to agree to part ways.
Across the Bored Two Cents Tuesday reflection piece for this week is Resolution