gallery Confirmations and Sunday Morning Ponderings

I picked up my kindle. So many books I’ve downloaded, meaning to read. Most are non-fiction, reference books. “Writing down Your Soul – How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within” by Janet Conner. I downloaded a few months ago. The title got me in. I was searching for books on creative writing. I start at the introduction. Always. I want to know what the book is about. As soon as I start the first chapter my minds in full flight. Analysing, reflecting and associating. The words on the page are ones I use. Regularly. Oh no is this another book confirming what I already know? Why does this happen? Synchronicity at play. Again.

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It’s like reading my own story. Again. Put into words succinctly in a way I wish I could capture. Though in saying this I know I’m learning, changing, growing, as I let my soul take precedence in my life. No longer hidden away, locked behind steel walks. But finally let loose to fly free. I’ve achieved what I’ve wanted to do for so long. To fly free. It took me however, a period of years, entering and recognising my Dark Night of the Soul. But now I’m fully emerging. Like the butterfly breaking free of her cocoon. It’s a beautiful feeling. Janet talks about the five things our soul wants. I see this in my own life.

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Your soul wants five things:

to connect with Source
to commit to values
to serve a purpose
to express itself
to create life

From Janet’s webpage, Five things Our Soul Wants

To do this however I had to make massive life changes. To live by myself. Not an intentional plan, but the universe works in ways we don’t always understand at first. I needed to move states. But my children wanted to stay close to friends. I needed to move close to long term friends, back to the land of my ancestors. I suspect they will follow as they get older and emerge fully into their adulthood. But for now they remain with their father and his mother, near their friends. The latter more important than we realise as parents. Do we forget how we wanted to stay close to our friend, rather than family in our teenage years?

Stopped to chat to my friend online. I smiled. His ‘little man’ is waking. Just the two them this weekend. How beautiful is a father and son. So different to a mother and child. He is blessed. His first marriage gave him two daughters, now in their twenties. In his mid fourties he has the beautiful experience of having a son. I am blessed. I have a son and daughter. People have asked how I feel with my two living interstate. It is easy now. I realised they have as much right to be with their father as with me. They need time together. Here I acknowledge that I was the dominant one in our relationship. It is good that the three of them have time together to get to know each other, more again. Their father and I both worked through our 20 years of marriage. While that took its toll on me in its own way, it also impacted our marriage and family. My deepest hope is that they now have quality time together. My son is visiting in two weeks. He turns 21 and will spend a week with me. We will visit my parents in the country. They lived with us, saw him and my daughter grow up. Though they’ve not seen them for 18 months.

Ah I digress, as usual. Confirmations. Back to my initial morning ponderings. A beautiful friend, confidant and support, Blin is forever telling me, “but you already KNOW this”. Why do you have to continue reading? Yes I do know. But in my own uncertain way I NEED confirmation. Reading words written by another, in words I relate to, a way I would love to say, confirms for me that I am on my path. Note to self: list the books that fall into this category (in another blog). In “Writing from the Soul” I hear immediately how wonderful, motivating, and confirming it is to write, to journal, from the depths of the soul. In doing so we connect deeply with our own self. Bring to surface what is important, who we are. Connect with our own individual and unique “I AM.”

But I am just on the introduction. What words of wisdom will be imparted? How much will I be nodding, agreeing, reflecting and associating on? What wonderful thoughts, ideas, insights will I be able to integrate into my life? To enrich it? To become more of the person I know I am. To help me reconnect with myself? And the Soul. A beautiful word. One requiring deeper contemplation, musings and journalling on. A smile widening on my face, I am off to read more. Outside. With the morning sun finally warming the day. The chirping and cooing of birds. Chai in hand. A Sunday all to my own. To me, myself and I.

Quoted on Janet Conner’s page, a favourite quote from another beautiful inspiring book I have had the pleasure of reading.

“Once the soul awakens, the search begins…
you are inflamed with a special longing
that will never again let you linger in the lowlands
of complacency and partial fulfillment.
The eternal makes you urgent.”

John O’Donohue ~Anam Cara~

First of my daylillies flowering this week

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