Wasted lazy Saturdays chilling at home … a matter of perspective as to whether time is wasted or not .. and can never be judged by another as each of us have our own perspective and views .. and we should never judge whether we are wasting time because the voice of one on our life or our past says so. For so long I live my life feeling guilty about so many things because the voices in my head were from early days and another’s judgement call. Interestingly now when I tune into those voices and ‘feel’ the sense is one of rigid structure, hautiness, lack of laughter and life … total stricture and I am sad. Sad that those who impressed on me these values felt and lived that way … sad that my inner and young child listened, took on and embedded these (distorted) beliefs and viewpoints. How much of my life did i ‘waste’ because of this?
It is all irrelevant now. With beautiful hindsight and insight I can see that this has no place in my life now. I have changed, I have evolved and my focus and direction is clearer now. I can see how they themselves held their lives victim to these beliefs and views .. that they were created in their own mind or inherited from another … sadly leaving a trail of emotional and soul damage. But the cycle must break .. and the cycle does break. I am in a place of understanding my younger self … of understanding those who impacted and impressed upon me. And in doing so I can accept and move on, forgiving and letting go of old beliefs that do not serve me now. And in letting go now … finally … and with loving acceptance and appreciation for their purpose in my life previously … I can see both the positive and negative impacts, the learning experiences, the character strengthening opportunities that occurred to make me who I am now. Without this past, this history, these now outdated view points, I would not have become the strong, questioning, searching and changeable person I am. For each of these past views created in me a discordance that never felt right, never sat right, never felt true to me and who I am. Because of this conflict I sought to find my own truth, my own beliefs, my own path in this journey of my life.
Everything in my past has led me to this beautiful point right now in my life, where I am learning to understand who I really am, what I am, and how my empathic and creative nature has experienced life and now has perfect opportunity to fly … with wings unfolded .. mind and heart clear … and my soul renewed and alive. Now I can live another way of life, of experiencing and learning, being totally in tune with me … fully aware of my own unique gifts, strengths and capabilities .. giving me the opportunity for a new and different way of living that is true to my soul, and finally in tune with my being… with ME.