gallery Musings 2011

ah its been too long since i last blogged .. despite being told to do so by friends .. if nothing else than to just clear my head of the proverbial garbage of the last few months

where to start? so much has changed .. indeed life continues to change at an incredibly rapid pace … something that is happening on a global level as the world and time speeds up … and we wonder why our days and years are flying by …

i always find it interesting to go back and see where i was .. in terms of seeing where i am now and where ive come to at this particular point in time … and rarely do we ever think we will be where we end up at that point

i have made major changes in my life … some good, some now questionable … however i still and always know that i do not regret any decisions i make, however reactive and whether any one else determines them good, bad, wise or otherwise, they are always my decisions made fully aware in that moment of doing so … so here i am now .. again the life and product of what and who i have interacted with and reacted to …

certainly life is and has been chaotic, tho in saying so i have had increasing periods of calm and peace … a good thing … and yes the chaos and stress moments reduce in number and period of time spent in them tho not in intensity

i try not to judge and i detest those who do so without knowing and insight … and i guess i am also trying and perhaps learning to not react so emotionally to those who do so … albeit not overly wonderful at doing so on my part …

i have changed my contact with a number of people … pulled back from some i have known for a long time … drawn closer to some who were only aquaintances … made some wonderful new ones … and OMG caught up with a couple i had lost contact with from 20 years or so ago … truly a blast from the past … and then there are my constant friends who are always there no matter how far apart and how infrequently we touch base

but in all of these i have learnt more about me and my life … not always easily or pleasantly but still … a learning … and is that not what life is? but a constant journey of living and learning and experiencing ….

my friend … who was an aquaintance over many years and is now a close friend commented that id to all intents been dead these past 20 years … interesting enough for me to reconsider … at the time also being very conscious of beginning to rediscover and find myself again …

so many things i thought were me and had always been me have been challenged to the point where i realise now that i had lost a lot of who i was … i had become someone else in order to survive and fit in with the world i was living in … and in so doing sadly changed beyond who i was and who i am … so i am not in reality finding a new me but rediscovering me … bringing parts that i had lost back to me .. and in so doing integrating them into the new (laughingly) more mature me. For i definitely see life now with all the years of my experience and knowing that life is indeed short and to be lived. So in that respect I am losing a lot of my inhibitions and worries from an earlier age … embracing spontaneity again … and in some regards learning to accept and just be … albeit not easily and not always constantly .. but that again is part of the path of learning and living .. 2 steps forward .. 1 step back. And yes, along the way challenging and reassessing my belief systems in general.

Hmmm there is way to much to say in one post alone … and in reality is probably best blogged in segments … allowing my head to clear and my thoughts to flow rather than to spin in chaos and bewilderment. My mind has stopped signalling an end to this post … but with a conscious awareness that there is more i need to release via blog over a rapid period of time

Yes blogging does provide some peace of mind in being able to draw out what is swirling around in ones mind in no real clarity or order …

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