gallery The best laid plans …

i am forever making plans … deciding what to do with my days … mapping out the sequence … what needs to be done, what should be done (grrr i SO dislike the word ‘should’), what would be nice to do … but ending up doing something else usually … why? ….. is it procrastination … is it not wanting to face whats required or decided by others (ok i have a pretty good supply of ‘resistance’ and ‘rebellion’ in me) … is it boredom, fatigue, stress, business, or do i just let other things get in the way? … i really don’t know but would hazard that its a combination of all of the above …

ugh lost my train of thought 😛

♥♥¸.•*´¨`*•.¸(¯`v´¯) ¸.•*´¨`*•.¸♥♥

hmmm well this is interesting going back and reading … i started this couple of weeks ago … and of course i lost my train of thought … so many things have happened since then … lots of personal contemplation and growth … i guess the end result … in terms of where i am today … is that its all good 🙂 … and it always is … we just forget that when all we see is the forest and not the trees … or is it the other way round? … lol i cant remember and atm its not really important …

i have had my fair share of ups and downs… and enough days of fluctuating throughout the day … but i feel im settling … finding my balance… finding my centre again … and it has been a long time … i feel like im coming out of the black fog of confusion and frustration and starting to see and hear things more clearly …. and this is as a result of a number of things that have occurred recently …

firstly i have someone who is continually supporting and encouraging me … showing me that i can be who i want to be … that i am a worthwhile, loving and very loved person … and i am so very thankful for the day he came into my life … ok he turned it upside down … or maybe upside right … and he set me on a path of adjusting and accepting of who am i am 🙂

secondly … since starting my kinesiology training, a lot of things have come to the surface to be explored, examined, and integrated … things i had taken for granted were not as they seemed … thoughts and feelings were a response or reaction to an event sometime in my past … and not always in my childhood … but also in recent years … and some i had no idea had created a reactive pattern in my life. but what has been good is that many of these i can look at and think … well that wasnt a big issue/ big deal … but omg look at the reactive pattern and habit i created …

one thing came up during a balance some time ago …

I CREATE MY OWN HAPPINESS AND MY OWN UNHAPPINESS …

well that is certainly true but we dont accept that often ….

my friend and reike master gail said recently …. and ive paraphrased cos i cant remember exactly … but it was in terms of this … we dont think we are able to create the good things in life … but we admit to creating all the problems and issues around us … well we must be pretty damn good if we can create all this negative stuff … hmmm well that took some thinking 🙂

thirdly, i have been meeting regularly with a group of like minded people and exploring and playing with the energy that we have around us … this has also been an opportunity to challenge our belief systems and our thinking ….

what is interesting is that the latter two are … as so often has occured in the past .. reflecting back the same things … yet i am the only common denominator … or could it be that it is the universe that is reflecting back and reinforcing what i need to know … and well i guess that is a ‘duh’ moment 😛

i have just finished five days of brain integration training … jacque is a fantastic lady … and she challenged me on a lot of my beliefs… in regards to what we were learning … not just about applying kinesiology in learning issues … and well isnt life just one big learning experience? … but it enabled me to realise that i do ‘split off’ …. and most of us do … when things get hard … we run away … from ourselves … so it was great to learn about centring … on a kinesiology model as well as a personal growth model … and to be able to recognise when we do … to know that we have CHOICE whether we stay in the moment .. run way … and /or return to ourselves …

i was fortunate to receive a balance … on my auditory pathways … ok so maybe i havent been hearing … or listening … to what is said … by others and most importantly myself … and im not referring to my mind thinking – my negative self talk – but to my heart talking to me … and i am conscious that i havent been able to hear and to see clearly because it has felt like a complete babble … but to end the balance and to see more clearly … without my glasses … well that was amazing … but it has given me new insight … new ways of living and reacting to consider and to CHOOSE …

and that in itself is a blessing …

i know its not – ok youre fixed now no more problems – cos thats not life … and thats not important either …

but what it does mean to me is that i can process more clearly … i can make clearer choices … i can choose to live in the moment … i dont need to constantly worry about an unknown future that may or may not occur … i can appreciate the moment i am in … because we are meant to be HERE and not THERE … and when we get to the THERE … it will be HERE and there will always be another THERE …

there are so many issues i can go into … and i will as i let myself take time out to explore those i want to … but not here and now …

i am in stage of assimilating … and honestly it does do my head in to think too much … so atm i am just learning to let it flow through … to not stop and analyse over and over again … but to accept the flow … to find peace and quiet in that moment … and tho its scary for me … it is what i want … its just been so unknown for so long ive forgotten what it feels like … but im learning to like it … to enjoy it again …

and well … at this moment … i can honestly say …

I AM ENJOYING MY SELF AND MY LIFE 🙂 …

ALL IS WELL IN MY WORLD …

and that IS all that counts …

IN THIS MOMENT …

i have much to be thankful for … so many wonderful teachers … not all of them are kind and considerate … many are challenging … and that is often needed to make me move 🙂 …

Please Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s