gallery A cold monday morning in july…

so … do i start … ‘dear diary’ ? … ummm i dont think so !

i love making plans for what i will do … then i love seeing them fly by … well actually i dont … but i remember a similar quote about deadlines… I LOVE DEADLINES .. I LOVE WATCHING THEM FLY PAST …

well sometimes, ok, a lot lately, this has resembled my life … i used to be so rigid in terms of lists, paying things before due dates, remembering everyones birthdays, responding to letters and phone calls etc etc … so much of that has flown out the window the past years … business having taken over … business of filling my days with something that occupies me … that keeps the endless chatter of my mind from taking over … that stops me with confronting the realities of my life … well no more … i always said my life was like a pendulum … i swing from one extreme to another … sometimes slowly, many times rapidly … and now i see myself having swung from one extreme to another and trying to find the happy medium – the middle ground …

for so long i was stuck in the having to do everything correctly – by the book – afraid of doing things wrong … then i guess i had enough – gave up … decided to take a different path and pretty much said ‘to hell with that’ … so i ended up on the other end … bills paid late, birthdays missed and forgotten, appointments missed, a house where i can write my name in the dust, and a yard thats happily growing a mass of thistles amongst the poor plants (ok the birds love the thistles so thats a good thing) … point being for me … i like neither of these sides … so now that ive experienced both im working on determining what it is that i want with my life … what my happy medium is … tho i know im still balking at making some of the changes that would allow me to put in place a better way of life … thats the obstinate side of me coming through …

so what i have done the past few days? …

i attended my kinesiology prac thursday morning – im so overdue with my worksheets and assignments and they really need to take precedence … i promised myself i would do a series of balances on the kids but havent ‘got a round to it’ … hmmm need one of those things …. but at least now im regaining my confidence in my skills and knowledge and enjoying it again. its the direction im planning on heading in … to complete my diploma and set up my own clinic in the next year or so …. probably working from home … tho how i will manage that with a current lack of space im not sure … i get so frustrated because i dont have a healing room or office space to work from … our spare room is a total junk room that is totally unfunctional … needing new flooring, window and paint job … basically a total gut out … the last room in the house to be renovated … so my current office is my bedroom … a less than perfect solution and one thats slowly driving me insane …

my parents return home in a fortnight – having spent the first half of the year with my brothers in canberra and LA … i have missed them as have the kids … but i have also appreciated the space … i could have used their unit far more effectively during their time away … but i was unable to get my act together … and now that things are falling into place for me they are returning … (note to self to totally clean their unit and verandah and sort out our junk thats sitting there) …

perhaps i could still allocate some space on their verandah to an office style setup where i can work from … maybe / maybe not … will have to see how i feel … i do however need to gut out the spare room and get that reworked and into a usable format … as well as bogging out the whole house at some stage… but at least school resumes tomorrow and uni next week so i will have some time during the days to myself to organise the place and clean as i need and want to do …

so tasks for this week include:

  • finishing my professional skills assignment – ok i need to start it first …
  • hormonal worksheets
  • neurological case study
  • finish work reports
  • ENJOY MYSELF

… all due for this weekends class …

and for next week:

  • clean the folks unit
  • clean up my place – try and get into the spare room
  • play on photoshop – and take more photos
  • prune the roses – when i can find a sunny enough day that im not freezing too much (we had the longest coldest stretch ever recorded early in the month … and its still cold brrr)
  • do more balances
  • ENJOY MYSELF

thursday i finished my main work report – all 8 pages … and submitted my invoice for the past 5 weeks … learnt a lesson there in leaving things / putting them off … in that it took me 10 hours to complete the day before it was due … and impacted on valuable time that i had with m…

i did install adobe photoshop … but havent opened it as yet …

friday morning i went into work … sadly one of our long term clients / community and board members had passed away the night before … a total shock to everyone … she will be sorely missed …

dropped my friends off at the airport and headed to the shops to get a satchel for elle for school … shes broken the straps on her old one … said hello to my neighbours who work there and wandered for a bit before returning home … had my hair straightened that afternoon … spent time on the computer and msn talking with mb …. the days sometimes blend into each other and its hard to remember when we talked last … tho its never enough … he is my strength and inspiration … my hope and my protection …

cen went out both friday and saturday nights with his friends … i love seeing him get out and about … he also spends too much time at home … tho i noted that he did go and play guitar for a few hours one night this week …

saturday i had communication class … that was interesting and enlightening … learning about character structures … thought i was more the rigid style … with a fair bit of masochistic and oral thrown in …. seems im more psychopathic … and watch all the eyes pop here. character structures are interesting and based on the woundings we receive at children at different ages … point being that they are perceived woundings by the child at the time in their capacity as little people … with themselves being the centre of the world … but it has enabled me to look again at my life and the influences early on and to understand why i react as i do … and i would hazard a guess my brothers both have a good amount of the psychopathic personality in them. what i do note is that i have been working through this aspect of myself and working towards the strengths and positives of the character … and i can see them beginning to emerge … they are good traits … as are all the positives of the character structures … part of reaching for our higher self rather than staying in the lower self – the wounding- and remaining the victim … spent time talking with m 🙂 … we never have enough of the time we want together …

saturday afternoon i bought my camera … came home and picked up elle to go food shopping … and had lunch at the local cafe … it was lovely spending time with her …

i bought myself a canon 1000d digital slr camera … and went down to the river at bassendean yesterday with my daughter and my sister in law who was visiting from canberra … i totally enjoyed myself taking photos 🙂 … we had a lovely lunch in guildford … i forgot that the shops there are open on sunday … its one of my favourite places … i love the old buildings at bassendean and guildford … and would love to buy an older style house one day … elley enjoyed getting out … she’d spent the holidays at home doing not much – cept playing on her new pocketbook … we’ve had some chats lately … trying to get both of us back on track with our lives …

dropped gillian off at the hyatt sunday afternoon – sat and chatted over a drink … i love spending time with her … shes a beautiful person, very gracious and loving … ive never told her that tho … we’re able to talk a lot about ourselves and our families …

so i guess there went most of my time … when i look back i realise that theres so many things that i do … i wonder why i dont have time … but i guess the question is … time for what? … in reflection ive spent my time doing what i wanted, what i chose to do, and enjoyed myself … so i guess thats partly what we want from our lives …

today i take cen down to submit his passport application … and tonight im going to gails … she sent a text bout monday evenings at her place… getting together with a group of people to talk and explore healing and to play … not in a structured format, but an opportunity to explore and share what we know and believe and what we are learning … i havent seen her for 18 months … it will be great to catch up with her and others again … i am conscious that i havent had that recently … the time spent with a group of like minded friends to share and explore all that the universe has to offer us … and to get in touch again with the healer in me … for self healing and for sharing …

well kitteh is sitting on my lap … while i try and type on the lap-top … she likes to perch there but its awkward … she gets lots of cuddles that way … and shes very cuddly and affectionate …

8:30 am … cold and overcast outside … but time to get the kids moving and the next things done for today ….

i love these photos of my kids … think they capture them so well … (taken with my old canon digital camera in brisbane october 2009)

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